THE STRESS OF LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

January lasted way too long for my liking and I'm over the moon that it's finally February. I like February; 1. because it's not January 2. because it's one step closer to sunnier mornings and warmer days. I really struggled throughout Jan... I was low on money, the view out of my window at work was grey, foggy and rainy every day and it felt like I never saw any sun light. 

I'm desperate to book a holiday. The thought of being somewhere hot with the freedom of doing what I want and not feeling guilty to lie horizontally for 8 hours whilst sipping on a pina colada, could almost make me sob with happiness. Sometimes it makes me feel a tad depressed when you work full time, working towards at least one holiday a year and even that seems a struggle. That's what I wanted to touch on, as a twenty something living (just outside) of London and working in London, you feel the pressure to be constantly living your best ever life. 

You feel like you should be going to THAT bar, or THAT restaurant on saturday night, going for avocado on toast and an almond milk rose latte which costs £30.00 for sunday brunch, booking several weekends away, going on a paradise holiday, constantly adding to your savings account, excelling in your career annnnnd managing your relationships. If you're not managing all of that, then you're doing something wrong. 

The FOMO you get once you go onto Instagram and someone has been to that brunch place that has been on your list for the last six months, or someone else has gone travelling the same route has you’ve been dreaming about. It's not even FOMO, it's anxiety.  Anxiety you're not successful enough, that you're not achieving enough. This generation is so obsessed with money and everything is judged depending on how expensive it is. It’s easy to forget that the £4.99 full English INCLUDING COFFEE from that greasy cafe down the road is actually so much more delicious than your £30 avo on toast from the instagrammable coffee shop in Notting Hill, or that you’d rather go to your local pub on Saturday night for a few glasses of standard Rose, which is more fun than that edgy sushi restaurant in Shoreditch. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always the case.. but a lot of the time it is.

There are so many things I want to do and achieve in my life, especially while I’m young with minimal responsibilites. However, I need to remind myself that there isn’t a rush, and I shouldn’t load so much pressure on myself to do everything before I’m 25. I do want to start saving money, to move out and (potentially) go travelling at some point, I do want to work through my list of restaurants and cafes, I want to go on Safari in Africa, I want to possibly one day buy myself a Chloe bag... there's a random mixture there but I will achieve them at some point. Whether that's is in 5 years, 10 years, or 20 years. These things will come in time, it's easy to forget to actually enjoy life and moment you're in. 

Most of the time, it's the smaller things in life that make you happy. 

I'm excited for the rest of the year and what it will bring, I'm trying my best to have a positive outlook on most aspects of my life now, it makes things a lot easier. 

DEALING WITH YOUR INNER SELF SABOTAGE & DIGITAL DETOXING

Happy October! I'm still completely baffled by the fact that it's already Autumn and I feel like time is going at a ridiculous pace and I'm struggling to keep up. The dark mornings and evenings are basically here and that's when I start to struggle. It's pretty depressing waking up to darkness and leaving work in darkness, it makes you feel like you have zero time and the only thing you can do is retreat to your bed with a hot chocolate and fluffy socks.

Self Sabotage is something we definitely all struggle with. Why is it we constantly beat ourselves up over any tiny thing we do? If it's being shit in social situations or not putting an outfit together as nicely as that girl on Instagram. It could be that your friend earns more money than you, or the fact you told yourself you'd be healthy so you spend a ridiculous amount of money on 'chia seeds' and 'maca powder' however you still seem to be having nutella on toast for breakfast. You get the picture. 

Everyone has their own struggles, and everyone is fighting their own demons. But why is it we don't allow ourselves to feel amazing about ourselves, or having just as many things you love about yourself as you hate about yourself. I think we all need a little slap in the face when it comes to self sabotage. You can get so consumed and it becomes the only thing you believe. Our minds know exactly how to bring us down and exactly how to destroy our confidence. It's like when I look in the mirror and feel good, but then I focus on that tiny spot on my chin and convince myself that is what everyone will be looking at, but in reality most people are too consumed in themselves to notice the small things in other people. 

You can force yourself into a negative routine. Getting up for work everyday at 6:30am, feeling shit about yourself, trying to make yourself look presentable, and when the weekend rolls round get ridiculously drunk spend too much money, and then feel like crap for the following week .. (not that I'm speaking from experience). I'm not saying that is necessarily a bad thing, because if you're surrounded by good people while doing this, then it's better because you all get through it together. However what I am saying is that, in a way doing that is a form of self sabotage because you know in the long run it will make you feel worse. 

Looking after yourself is important, mentally and physically. Whether that be making sure you're in bed before 11pm, or not allowing yourself to go on social media after 9pm. That then leads me onto thinking about digital detoxing. I'm pretty sure looking at my Instagram feed and how amazing other peoples lives are as soon as I go to bed and as soon as I wake up is not healthy. Instagram is great and I spend a huge amount of time on it, but it's so easy to remember that it's just a platform for people to show the best snapshots of their life. It's not reality. In a way, it's another form of self sabotage and it encourages that inner self critic. Scrolling through your feed to see another toned, tanned poreless girl on holiday in Bali when I'm hobbling into the office on a rainy Monday morning doesn't make me feel too fab.. 

More recently, before bed I've been trying to read for at least half an hour instead of staring at my phone screen. I actually love reading and always talk about trying to make more time for it, and so far it's been really helping. I feel a lot more relaxed and chilled before sleeping. Also, not to sound too much like a dick, I've been attempting to meditate before bed. The app Headspace is amazing, and I've actually felt a difference to my mood. I either do it right before bed, or in the morning and it makes me feel at ease, and I can feel the stress leave my body. Also, it's great for when you're feeling anxious. 

I've also decided to unfollow some of the people on my Instagram that make me feel shit about myself. The models, 'instagram girls' and body inspiration pages that are unrealistic for me. Obviously I still follow people that lead incredible lives because it's good to see that and have something you may want to work towards. But realistically, when I'm scrolling through Instagram I want to see delicious food, amazing places around the world that I want to visit, outfits people have put together etc etc.

There's nothing wrong with being selfish (not all the time, though) and looking after yourself. Self sabotage affects everyone at some point I'm pretty sure, and finding ways to deal with it can be hard. But slowly, I feel like I'm starting to make some sort of head way with it. 

JUMPSUIT - ZARA

BOOTS - ASOS

BAG - ZARA

JACKET - VINTAGE LEVIS 

PAINTING THE TOWN PINK

I'm getting so bored of wearing black, grey and dull colours especially now the weather is sort of starting to warm up. This happens to me every year, about this time of year I put away all of my big wooly jumpers and long sleeved tops and what I'm left with is a few creased summer dresses and Birkenstock dupes that are falling apart. The need is then to online shop like mad and buy loads of new things, but this year I'm trying to take a more strategic approach and not just panic buy loads of trend pieces (probably because I don't have the money as I'm paying off my summer holiday)..

My aim is to introduce a lot more colour into my wardrobe. Especially during Spring and Summer wearing bright colours makes me feel happier and more positive in general. Additionally, buying basic pieces is also a must. That standard grey t-shirt, those blue 'mom' jeans will also help to build your wardrobe. Having only trend, colourful pieces will just be a struggle to create any sort of outfit. 

A couple of weeks ago when I was in Bath with my family, I picked up these gorgeous bright fuchsia wide legged trousers from Topshop. As soon as I saw them I was thinking about all the different ways I could style them. They look great with a smart 'going-out' top and heels but they also look amazing with a logo t-shirt and trainers. They're so eye catching, and every time I've worn them I have so many people come up to me and ask where I bought them. Which is a great feeling. 

Here I've styled them with a basic striped t-shirt from Zara (a wardrobe staple) and my black denim Levi's jacket (which my boyfriend found in a charity shop.. and also a wardrobe staple!).. and then of course my Old Skool Vans which I wear with EVERYTHING and should probably wear some of my other shoes now and again..

I really love this look and I'm definitely aiming to buy a few more statement pieces to build up a great summer wardrobe. I would love to add a few more patterned summer dresses, maybe a skirt or two and some of those black and white checkered slip on vans.

Let me know what you think?

(BIG thanks to Lewis (instragram: kaytralewlew) for taking these amazing pictures for me!